Origami Girl

Thursday, 29 September 2011

In which I disappointed by my life and by rejection emails


This blog post is mostly just me crying to the world. I’m giving you a warning. Maybe this isn’t appropriate for my blog, but this blog is about me so why not get all of me?
I thought I was getting an article published. I applied to have my dissertation published and the guys editing the books said ‘How about writing something on Neil Gaiman’s children’s literature?’ I wrote them an abstract. They said they loved it. They were looking forward to reading it. I took time off to talk to my diss tutor. I spent most of August writing it. I got it proofread. All was seen to be great.
I got an email this morning saying ‘Sorry but we won’t be using it’.
I wrote it because they asked me to!
Edit: I want to add that they have now replied giving me detailed and fair feedback. I think ultimately I am not at the level of academic brilliance required. It was probably a good essay for degree, maybe even masters, but it lacked the quality required. I am obviously still frustrated but I feel a lot better for having had further communications with them.
It is my life dream to have something published. I have wanted to since I was 4. I have a story I wrote when I was that age and I have continued to write since so this does feel like a kick.
It is not the first time this year that I have been rejected for my dream. I applied to go on the JET programme. A programme for teaching English in Japan. It had a ridiculously long application process, but I got to interview stage and so did my boy. Then on the day of our 3 year anniversary we got the rejection letters.
I’m so depressed. I don’t know what I am doing with my time or my life.
You know why all this is worse? Because I am having a terrible year. I said to my boyfriend a while back, “If we get to go to Japan it will make all the disappointments of the last year insignificant”. However we didn’t get to go.
I have had a few jobs and now I have nothing. Every day I job hunt. I apply for several things a day. I have not got offered one single interview in the past month.
I feel that I have a strong CV. I have a lot of work experience in comparison to other people my age. I have the work experience required by the jobs I apply for. I am passionate, creative, organised and I feel I have done some pretty cool things with my life. I got a first for my degree and founded a craft fair. I make cute jewellery, I have read every children’s classic you can name and my boyfriend thinks I look hot in my fencing gear.
I am a mix of geeky and active. I have played Dungeons and Dragons, but I also collect iD magazines and play Frisbee. I speak a little Japanese and have a qualification in marketing.
I might not know html and Campaign Commander (like they often want) but I do know InDesign and Microsoft and I can learn!
I have all this experience, so why won’t anyone employ me?
The thing that makes all this worse is of course that I am stuck in a viscous cycle. I am lonely and miss my friends and my boyfriend. Without any good thing to look forward to the day is a dreary endless list of things I should do. The only fun I have is playing video games. If they were here I might be more motivated to do these applications knowing the guy I love is next to me or that we were going to the pub in the evening. However we cannot live together again till I have a job. I don’t have the motivations for a job because I miss him. Although missing him should be the motivation!
Like I said in my last post, I try to find happiness in small things: in sunshine, in becoming a Peggle master, in reading books.
Yet this email this morning, telling me that once again I have been rejected is really the last straw.
I need something to make me feel confident, to make me hold myself up and be proud

3 comments:

  1. This post made my heart ache so badly for you.... I've been at the point you are so many times in my life (and for Pete's sake I'm only eighteen!). I know the awful feeling of desperation, loneliness, and disappointment you're feeling. It's hard being rejected whether it's by people, work, or the world it's self. I've gone through my whole life being rejected and it doesn't make it any easier each new time it happens... I know that you're talented and the most important thing is that YOU know that you're talented. I know that good things are going to come to you even though right now it seems like you might be in a bottomless pit. Good things happen to good people and I know that you will reach all of your dreams some day. Just hang in there and rely on the help of God to get you through this time... I'll be thinking about you and hoping everything gets better for you! xx

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  2. Upon reading your post, we really feel bad for you. Being rejected really does hurt but cheer up, we know you are a very talented person! Doors might have been shut for you but always remember that there is still a window open to give you new opportunities! Don't rush things, wait patiently and with the Lord's grace, you will truly be awarded with a lot more than you expected and wished for!

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