In which theatre is evil

For the last two weeks I've been really down, perhaps even since the wedding. Not about being married, but so much of my energy was put into it that there wasn't time to dwell on anything else, and I always had that happiness to look forward to. Now I keep feeling really forlorn about who I am. I am especially worry that my work isn't good enough and feel like I am stupid, or losing intelligence. I look back on my first class degree as some vague achievement of the past, even if it was a few years ago, and question how on earth I did so well. Whenever I find my work difficult I instantly start to feel like I am a failure. Now that I've been in the job for a while, I should know more than I do. Instead so much is still a challenge. I always have to prove myself, to myself. I want to know everything, and I'll at least settle for a lot more than I know now. And then because I am feeling down about my own intelligence I don't work as well, and then I am sad because of my own sadness! How silly eh?

When I feel down I try and listen to this one Amanda Palmer song, In My Mind. It's about wanting to be the person you are now, not wanting to be the person that you wanted to be now when you were 15. Well, you just have to listen to it. If you aren't going to bother with any other, please give this a go.

However, there's a new one that leaves me feeling both sad and strengthened. Yes, perhaps it is appropriation of Doctor Who, but telling yourself 'I am bigger on the inside' is also uplifting. This one is pretty raw with emotion though I warn you.

I have written about my admiration for Amanda Palmer many many times on this blog. I wrote about the recent gig of hers I went to see just 2 weeks ago! I even have a special tag on the blog just for my love of her and Neil Gaiman who are the dream pairing of my world. I have liked her music since I was about 13 and that liking slowly grew to love. Her songs have power. A lot of bullshitis  thrown her way, but she is always a source of calm and joy in my life, and album after album I have loved them all. As a result I also have a wardrobe of Amanda Palmer t-shirts! This is just one of them.

Oh and if you like unusual fashion in any way, go to one of her gigs. People wear the most awesome things.

Confused? Theatre Is Evil is her latest album title. Just go with it.

There's one last song that is making my life happier at the moment. It's a bit more twee perhaps than any others, but having just got married - a song that really believes that 'there's nothing love can't do' is pretty damn good to dance around the kitchen to.

In which there is magic at twilight

At the weekend I went along to a local folk dance club having enjoyed the ceilidh at our own wedding so much, I wanted to do more. We did dances from Jane Austen, but also a round strip-the-willow which I always love. Apparently the club do different types of folk dances every week, so Irish dancing, Morris, ceilidh, Scottish dancing etc. As expected though, it is mostly old people in the club. I do have lots of friends who love barn dances when they are at parties, but I know doing it on a Friday night isn't cool. It's not really the solution to making more friends in the area. In fact we are so uncool that we then went home, made cachaca strawberry daiquiris (almost like normal people), but then after drinking them did a 2 hour dungeon crawl on Neverwinter, the MMORPG that is sucking up my time. Oh dear. 

We have been living in this place for a year and a half now, but we only have a few friends we've made from our board games club. I really want to take up something new to meet new people but I get so nervous about joining sports clubs (they'll be full of sporty people! I'm so unfit!) and the other things I like (art, dancing) don't seem to be for people my age. Any tips of finding new things to do and new people? 

We've been using our blender a lot more since I discovered the joy of blending frozen fruit. No looking back! It's cocktails or smoothies every day in this crazy heat.

Went clothes shopping at the weekend and got the both the items pictured here. I love this skirt. It's quite a stiff thick material, but really comfortable and it has pockets. I also love the stag print tee. A bit different from all the ubiquitous swallow prints everywhere.

Pockets!

 

 We went to the park Sunday evening, took a patchwork quilt and played some Magic in the late evening. We were there till half 8 and it was still light! Just utterly beautiful.

Outfit details
Skirt & Top: New Look
Accessories: Claire's

In which there are books and love

I don't like to harp on about the fact that I just got married too much, but it has left me with a whole host of fun photos to share and if not going on about the wedding, I want to share the location of our honeymoon because more people show love this place.

I am sorry if this is just be spamming with you my holiday pictures, but it's mostly books. Just to keep it exciting I put a few pictures of me in there too... and then chocolate!

So where we for all this? It's a little town in Wales called Hay-on-Wye. It's excusable if you have never heard of it, unless that is you are fond of books. In which case, I beg you to take a little holiday here too. The town is famous for its bookshops. There are 30 second hand books shops in this little place. One in a cinema, one just for crime, two for children's, one for gardening books, outdoor, indoor, huge or cosy. All the books you can dream of. It is a tiny place really, but it was absolutely perfect for our holiday. We did very little at all, but bought lots of books!

In this bookshop they had an entire basement of sci-fi books! All the books you can see here, and then another aisle full of them.

That same bookshop had a cafe we had recommended to us which served incredible food. Like chocolate and cardamom ice cream.

Indeed.

Oh my, folios. All those books across from me? Folio editions. I die from the beauty.

We ate a dinner out in a lovely deserted pub. We got served directly by the landlord who took our drink orders all night and lazed in massive armchairs. I'd been saving this dress for the occasion. I love a form dress with pockets!

This town was crazy about penguin editions. I am generally just crazy about matching books.

Perfection.

Crime bookshop.

Picnic by the river with some classic sci-fi.

My sister got us this lunchbag as a wedding present and I utterly love it!

This was the dinner I cooked up for us sitting outside with champagne in our little holiday house.

Yes, an outdoor bookshop. This one just had an honesty box.

Finally: The haul. 

After visiting a mere twelve of the bookshops over the week the above picture shows the final stack (bar about 2 I think that we got as leaving!) that we came away with. The day we left was swelteringly hot but we made it back to London with our bags packed with wedding outfit, cards, presents and books.
For those interested it included: Folio E Nesbit books, vintage Bunty annuals, hard bound art books on favourite painters, Clive Barker children's horror, lots of John Wyndham, Anne McCaffery and Tanith Lee, a book on the treatment of madness in women, a dungeons and dragons book and some more unusual folklore-inspired tales.

In which there is music and sunshine

In these pictures here I felt about the hottest I had ever felt, or at least in that moment the time I was in the Grand Canyon in Arizona was blanked from my memory from the overwhelming heat of the day. We had the longest winter in Britain that just dragged on and on, with months of snow and cold until all I could dream about was Summer. And now it's here and guess what? I still totally love it! Yes. Despite the fact that the heat is insane and we are going to bed with all the windows open, I am loving the bbqs and the sun hat and all.

I had one of the most incredible weekend. Everything that one should be. I went to see Amanda Palmer at the Roundhouse, yes that gig. I have spoken about my love of her music many times on this blog and I doubt it will be the last. I've seen in her in concert several times and it was by far the best. She made us cry and filled us with euphoria as well as getting full on naked in her set. It was just perfect.
The rest of the days were just crammed with sunshine-joy. On the Saturday I bbq-d at Andy's parents house for his sister's graduation party. Sunday I went to a concert Andy was performing in at a mansion (classical this time, not quite the Camden style rock out). While he was at his rehearsal I took a book and sat in the local park just chilling out, and after we had a friend round for board games and dinner. That list ticks off all I would want from a Summer's break.

I shamelessly copied in the purchase of this skirt. I have many galaxy print things, and I genuinely adore the fashion, but this skirt in particular I saw on a number of bloggers, including Midwest Muse and after a couple of posts of it, I just had to go and get it. So apologies for the imitation, but I love it!

Outfit details
Skirt: Romwe
Top: No idea... had it ages ago.
Hat: Charity shop
Necklace: Belonged to my grandma
Shoes: H&M kids section! Also worn as my barn dancing shoes at the wedding.